


So Much Better

by parttimefemmefatale (writingramblr)



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Drabble, F/M, Post Episode: s06e08 Let's Kill Hitler, River could have been such a BAMF, never thought i'd write river
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-25
Updated: 2014-09-25
Packaged: 2018-02-18 17:26:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2356517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingramblr/pseuds/parttimefemmefatale
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Near death experiences can bring about enormous changes in people, and the Doctor is no exception.</p><p> </p><p>[No River Bashing, but also no Romance between the Doctor and River really...]</p>
            </blockquote>





	So Much Better

**Author's Note:**

> [a controversial look at how i would have made things go, with an open ending. I do honestly want to like River, but she was just wasted on a doctor obsessed plot. shame shame moffat.]

“You deserve better River. You really do. Better than an old man, stuck inside his own head, filled with lost hopes and broken dreams of someone else. I could never love you, not really. Not how you want. Not when my hearts truly belong to someone else.”

River looked as if he’d slapped her, and maybe he had, if not with his palm then with words. Here was a woman who’d been trying to convince him that they were destined for some grand love story, and maybe they once were, but no power in the universe could blot out the simple truth that was the fact the Doctor couldn’t stop loving Rose. Ever.

A new face, new TARDIS, and new companions whose child turned out to be the incredibly deadly and beautiful River Song wouldn’t change that.

“You can’t mean that sweetie…after everything we’ve been through? Everything we’ve done? Places we’ve been, things we’ve seen?”

She stepped closer, and her hand stretched out to him, perhaps aimed for his cheek, but he flinched away. He didn’t mean to, it had just happened.

“So you say. Things I haven’t lived through yet. This entire thing, this _relationship_ we have, it can’t be all that we are. You could be so much more. You’ve got Amy’s fire, Rory’s determination, and the combined love that was created aboard the TARDIS. You are _wonderful_ Melody Pond, Professor Song, and you need to see yourself as I do, but forget us. Forget the love we might have had. It’s simply impossible.”

The Doctor spun away from her, dancing closer to the one thing he knew he could trust for honesty and love. His TARDIS sung to him, soothing words and songs in his head, and he could see River begin to slip her mask back on. The face of the assassin and the woman he’d first met with his own newest face.

“The man I know has impossible for breakfast.”

There were still tears in her eyes, and her voice wavered just slightly, only his sensitive hearing could have noticed such a thing.

“Oh River…you never knew me before, and then you would know how wrong that is. I don’t like to lie, I don’t care for spoilers, and I always avoid impossible things, whether people or planets.”

The words brought an age old memory so close to the surface he winced, and his hands tightened their grip on the console, bringing the flight to a halt with a shuddering groan.

River seemed unfazed, and perhaps it was because she had many experiences of flying in the TARDIS, or because she’d been born from it, he didn’t know. All he did know was that he needed time alone, time to think. All the time in the world in his blue box.

River had most recently tried to kill him once regenerating into the form that he, Amy and Rory knew best, and then saved him, giving up her possible future regeneration energy to save him. It had only been in the final few seconds of his life that he’d realized what he’d truly lost, and how desperate he was to find a way to save it, to bring it back.

“You gave your life, your lives up for me, and for that, I will always be grateful River. But I cannot pretend to love you when I hardly know you.”

River nodded, and examined her perfectly bare nails, before glancing up and him and winking,

“At least I’ll always have my memories of us.”

The Doctor frowned, and shrugged,

“I suppose that’s possible, yes. But please, make no more mention of future might have beens, or should have happened. I like to go in a semi-straight line, even if it does wibble-wobble once in a while.”

“Yes dear.”

The Doctor frowned at her again, and she simpered,

“Sorry couldn’t resist. You haven’t looked this cross with me since…ah well, nevermind. I suppose this is my stop then?”

River jerked a thumb to the front doors, and the Doctor nodded.

“Just where you ought to be I think, don’t thank me, thank her.”

He nodded to the console and River beamed, reaching out to stroke the railing as she descended to the doors,

“Always have. I hope you don’t forget me too easily Doctor, I’m sure we’ll meet again, even without any of my meddling.”

The Doctor sighed,

“Can’t be avoided I imagine.”

“I bet you can imagine a lot…”

The Doctor coughed,

“You know, you really might get along better with another friend of mine…a certain captain…” He only mumbled the last words, but River spun around and winked at him,

“Maybe I already have…goodbye Doctor!”

The doors swung closed behind her and the Doctor slumped against the console, wishing he still had the worn leather jumpseat to rest upon.

Then again, it held just as many painful memories as the rest of the old console room.

His feet twitched and once he’d put the TARDIS into a steady course in the vortex, he let them do as they wished.

They walked him towards a door with a yellow hue to the wood, and a faint outline of a flower set above the handle.

He inhaled deeply, and braced himself as he pushed down on the metal, entering the room. Somehow, it still smelled like _her_.

The pain inside his chest was near enough to make him feel faint. Almost like he had before the poison had taken out his ability to feel pain at all.

“Give me someone I like.” He had cried out, and she had appeared.

His golden girl.

Rose Tyler.

Where was she now? Was she happy? Was he dreaming this whole horrible thing and about to wake, having regenerated from after near death, and find himself surrounded by his lovely companions?

He didn’t know, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to.

He sank down onto the bed she’d once slept in, and fell back, eyes closed.

This was home for now.

 

**Author's Note:**

> after a week of no writing, this the plot bunny that hits...who'd thunk? and yes i totally teared up while writing this, god knows why. hormones. *sigh*


End file.
